what day is it and did you see me today?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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