I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize