I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
