You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
