I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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