So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
