You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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