Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
ok first of all what the fuck
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
