i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
