what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Are we still banned from the library?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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