its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize