I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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