Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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