Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
