Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
