So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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