Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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