I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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