Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
