I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
