Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Houston, we have a squirter
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
