i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
