Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
