i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
