Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
