I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
