My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
