next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
