Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
