what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
