Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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