dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My dad just said "fuck circus"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
