so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
