Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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