So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
