She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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