That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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