im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize