I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
