Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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