So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
