The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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