Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize