how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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