I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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