btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
