And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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