Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
