So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
