Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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