I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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