a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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