I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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