R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
