...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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