I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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