Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize