You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
