i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
