I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
