Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize