You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
