Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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