Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
