i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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