it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
