i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
