Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize